Opening Your Heart to Motherhood

My entire life I dreamt of becoming a mother, it has been my greatest wish and deepest desire ever since I was a little girl. There has been nothing I’ve ever wanted more, and I always imagined I would be an amazing mother. I feel so blessed and extremely grateful to have welcomed my beautiful daughter into the world. She is my mirror and my teacher. As much as I’m teaching her, she is teaching me even more, every single day. My heart could explode with how much love I have for her, and for this life, I get to live, but I’d be lying if I said motherhood is anything like the picture-perfect image I’d been imagining while talking lovingly to my belly in my picture-perfect nursery.

The transition into motherhood is hard, and I don’t mean in the spit up in your hair, pee on your shirt, and sleepless nights kind of way (all that stuff is tough too!). This journey includes more emotions than you could have ever anticipated. Becoming a mother brings with it a profound sense of love, joy, and happiness into your life; but it can also bring sadness, comparison, confusion, loneliness, and a deep fear of not being a “good enough” mom.

Through my inner work and the work I do with my clients, I have learned that when you open yourself up to love, you also crack yourself open to fear, a lot of these fears stemming from your childhood. When it comes to expanding into a love so deep like the love of your child, the fear that’s been hiding deep within isn’t just going to step aside, it’s going to be amplified. Because of the vulnerable state you’re in when you become a new mother, the background noise of “not enough’s” coming from your ego-mind now has the power to hijack your entire life.

That little voice might try to convince you that you’re failing as a mother, using every new challenge as evidence to “prove” to you that you aren’t doing enough, or even worse, that you’re a “bad mom”.

This isn’t the truth. I know it, your baby knows it, and deep down, beyond that voice in your head, you know it too.

You’re not supposed to know what you’re doing.

It’s supposed to be challenging.

This is how you grow mama.

Becoming a mother is no doubt overwhelming, and it can be difficult to process all of the emotions you are experiencing, especially when 98% of your energy is going towards taking care of your new baby. This uncertainty, love and responsibility can send you into an endless and fearful search for answers outside of yourself in an attempt to soothe your anxious mind.

There was once a time before Google and Facebook, before the hundreds of contradictory sleep books, and before everyone had an opinion on whether you should, or should not, swaddle your baby – that women became mothers. Women raised their babies with love using only their divine intuition and a village of support from their tribe of mothers. Connection and community are so important. This is what new mothers need, connection with themselves, and connection with others who are walking down the same path of motherhood.

Reading forums, books, blogs and other people’s stories or advice online cannot replace real true connection, conversation, encouragement, and understanding, but most importantly it can never replace your inner sense of knowing.

To tap into the source of knowledge and strength within you, and to discover who you are as a mother – you have to move inward. Beyond the chatter of the “not good enough’s” and ego fuelled search for “right or wrong”, you have been given the most beautiful gift – your mother’s intuition. Your intuition is your inner GPS, and it’s something ALL mamas are equipped with.

To start connecting with your intuition, and opening your heart to healing through motherhood, here are a few ideas of what you can do right now to get started.

Journal – Write down where you are feeling lost or confused, and ask for guidance. Try not to overthink it, just write whatever is coming through to you. You can do this while the baby is sleeping, or feeding. I often did this in the newborn stage, it’s amazing the things you can do one-handed when you no longer have any other option!

Pray – You don’t have to be religious at all to pray…ask for guidance from the Universe, God, Source, your Higher-Self, or even the future version of you who has already moved beyond this stage of motherhood. Ask for the strength to overcome this challenge, ask for healing, ask for guidance.

Cry – If you feel like crying, CRY. It is not weak, in fact, your vulnerability to feel, experience, and release all of the human emotions is a wonderful STRENGTH. Let it all out, you’ll feel a lot better after you do, I promise. Babies are great at showing us how to have a good cry, allow your baby to teach you too!

Breathe – If you find yourself getting lost in your 40th episode of 90 Day Fiance, or scrolling through Instagram all day long, take a few moments to just turn off all electronics and focus on your breath. Your mind may be constantly going non-stop, and while tv and your phone can be a nice distraction – it isn’t serving you in connecting with your intuition. Make it a habit for the first few minutes during a feed (or the whole feed, totally up to you) to just focus on your baby and focus on your breathing. The thoughts will come up, notice them, and come back to your breath. The purpose is not to have no thoughts, it’s to simply notice them, or notice when you’ve gone down the rabbit hole of thinking, and simply come back to your baby and back to your breathing without judgement, over and over again.

Make Self-Care a Priority – No matter how small, do something every single day for you. I know how difficult this can be in the newborn days; so it’s important to reframe your thinking around self-care. It might be different than it used to look, that’s okay. Celebrate the small victories. Drinking water, taking vitamins, eating healthy food, or going for a walk with the stroller are all ways to take care of yourself. You can read a book, or listen to a podcast while feeding the baby or while baby sleeps in your arms. Take baby into the bath with you or wear them in a wrap while you do your hair and makeup if this is something that helps to make you feel “normal”. If you have the support and have benefits I suggest using them out during this time. I took my daughter with me to osteopath appointments and pelvic floor physiotherapy. As I started to feel more comfortable I also gave myself at least an hour a week outside of the house to myself, I’d go get a massage, pedicure, acupuncture or even just go sit in Starbucks and do some writing. 

Get Support – Take inspired action when getting support. What I mean by this is connect with yourself FIRST, and ask for support and guidance to show up for you. For me, this started with journaling – and seeing that what I was craving was true human connection and understanding. I needed to turn off my phone, get out of the house, and start connecting with other mothers. I also started working with a postpartum nutritionist and coach, and a naturopath to support me with the overwhelm and anxiety I felt of becoming a new mother.

If you even start with just one or two of the practices I suggested you’ll be on your way towards healing and evolving through this journey of motherhood.

Remember, that while there is only ONE you, and only ONE baby like yours, you are never alone; reach out for support and find YOUR TRIBE of mothers.

TRUST that YOU know YOUR baby best.

You’re doing a GREAT job, and you GOT THIS mama.

Love,
Megan xo

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